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Dear Merna... I think my Boyfriend is Hiding something! Help!Dear Merna, I've been seeing my boyfriend since March and things have been going great with one exception. I haven't met any of his family yet while he has met most of mine and they all get along just fine. We are going to my mom's this thanksgiving. When I bring up his family or say something about meeting them he changes the subject we end up arguing, or there is some sort of excuse. I'm starting to wonder if he is hiding something or if he is embarrassed to be seen with me. I don't want to push him, but if our relationship is going to be long-term wouldn’t he be willing to open up that side of his life to me. I've always had a close family relationship and so that really matters to me. I know not all families are close, but his reluctance to meet with his troubles me. If I could just understand his reluctance whatever the reason, I think I would just feel better about the whole thing. How do I get him to open up without pushing him away? Family matters in FL Dear Family Matters in FL! You ask very common questions amongst people within the first year of meeting, dating, and forming a relationship. Remember, men and women do have different views on different topics and we bond at a different rate. There have been many studies that prove men and women are simply hardwired differently when it comes to love and talking for that matter, so we must realize they do not ‘think’ as if we do. In my psychology classes we talk about this each course! Women are the nesters in a relationship and this is our instinct to create family bonds too. With that said this is why a woman ties in his ‘feelings’ and meeting his family. However, one does not exactly correlate or not correlate to the other at this phase of your relationship. I have many questions to ask of you too, so I may not be able to give you a black and white answer, but hopefully put your mind at ease. Not meeting his family right now, does not doom you for the future, as he may be considering if this is the right time in your relationship or simply believe you will have many more and the first year isn’t necessary. This does not mean he doesn’t care for you! Actually, over my years working with people and their dating lives I have heard so many stories that starts with this same question and the answer isn’t always a bad one. It can be many things. “He” could be embarrassed of his family, he could worry that you do not want to meet them, he may be thinking if “he” is ready for this level of commitment by ‘meeting’ family or he could simply be nervous and think next year is fine too. (Or he feels one family meet at a time) After all, it is only the first year and your fears are most likely groundless. However, I would not make a federal case out of it either as this would be a sure way to push him away. It sounds like things are going good for you too and some sort of past fear is being stirred up. That is soo normal and happens a lot in dating and new relationships. Enjoy the holiday season and wish him well when he goes home! If your relationship continues to blossom and become strong, you will have many more holidays to share. So lighten up and enjoy the holiday season with your family! Happy Holiday's! Hope & Peace,Merna PSS If you are reaaally fearful he is hiding something schedule a coach call and we will ferret all of it out! I have many questions I would like to ask as there could be something simply going on with him and he hasn't asked you yet. You will find peace and I will show you the way.
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