Dear Merna...How do I give advice to my Boyfriend’s Mother and not offend her?

What should I do?

Monkey Soldier

Dear Monkey Soldier,

I hear your heartfelt need to help this Mother/Son relationship as it drips from your words here. First things first! Do NOT tell her what to do! Yes, this is very blunt and to the point, but as adults we have to learn our boundaries and look at the real place for our ‘unsolicited advice’. As women we have this natural need because we are just trying to help, but it is not received well because of many factors. I know you have really clicked with your new boyfriend, but the key word here is ‘new’ also. This simply isn’t long enough to build rapport with his Mother. In addition, a male simply doesn’t need or want someone doing this for them. They are independent spirits and need to feel they can be trusted to do on their own. We all have roles in life and relationships, while this is where we learn respectful boundaries, and communication skills to use best.

If you would like to talk more personally about this and I can help you with this ‘urge’ to step in, give me a call below! By the way, you are simply not alone with this need to give our advice to a circumstance, but in this situation you could push him away and make things worse. They have a life time of a relationship and you are simply a new comer. (In this closer dating relationship even though you have known them your whole life - trust me here) Men need to feel trusted they will figure it out on their own without our advice. They view our advice as us telling them they are weak and not trustworthy enough to do on their own. Allow him to take care of his relationship!

Here is an example: Imagine his Mother stepping in because she doesn’t like the way you spoke to your Mother one day. No matter if it’s right or wrong, it won’t be received well as there simply isn’t a trusting relationship built between the two of you yet, it hasn’t been long enough to grow. No one likes to be told what to do or not to do, this is the bottom line. Once a relationship is built, it is our communication skills that will help us with sensitive conversations. I can help clearly with these guidelines too, but it’s simply too early.

Hang in there and you are not alone here at all!

Always here when you need!

"Call Me" = Coaching Services

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