Dear Merna...My Boyfriend is talking to his EX, but not ME!

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost a year but he’s still talking to one of his EXS all the time. he text her while he’s at work but he can barely call me! Today I found old love letters from her and another EX and he’s hiding it from me! He does want me talking to my EXS.I do not know what I should do it feels as if he still wants her. He uses to tell me what they would talk about and now he wont all he will say is it’s not important.

Love is Hurting with Secrets

Dear Love is Hurting with Secrets,

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time with his past relationships and current actions. However, you are not alone at all. As women, we see talking, sharing, and spending time together as deep intimate bonding experience since that is how we are innately built.

However, men do not bond this deeply doing the same thing. They are simply sharing communication and chatting. His words of ‘not important’ could simply mean they just talked about the weather and a fella would not see it as important to repeat everything. Besides, as women we would unknowingly be dissecting his words with our female listening skills, and not males. This can cause huge problems at times.

Men seem to be the peacemakers often when it comes to relationships and want to keep women happy. Often, they do want to keep this ‘friendship’ after-wards to make sure they have not hurt someone and simply enjoy a friendship. Again, this isn’t about right or wrong or feeling disrespected. He just may not believe he is doing anything wrong and isn’t. Also, remember women keep photos, letters, etc for the sentimental reasons. Men simply forget they are there and do not have an emotional connection to them.

I know this seems hard to understand, but at the same times we can have a few ‘hot button’s’ from our past pushed in a new relationship and fear it will happen all over again if we don’t head it off at the pass. Therefore, I have a few questions as a coach as nothing is ever simply black and white.

Do you trust him?

How much ARE you talking?

Have you talked to him about this?

What does he say when this happens?

Would you like to openly talk to him about stopping? Why?

If you want to talk further about this, I have many more questions to ask to find the underlying cause of this and help you make peace. The length of your relationship speaks volumes for his commitment to you too. Have you made the Monogamous Commitment verbally yet? If so, men need to be trusted with their word and if they are not it can push them away further. I know this isn’t what you want to do…

I can help you sort all this out and find some closure and understanding, so you can get back to enjoying the new hot relationship. Click below and it will tell you how to find me for a coaching session.

Hang in there and you are not alone here at all!

Always here when you need!

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